I don’t know what it is about October but it has been one hellacious month. My days have been packed full of meetings and nearly every project that’s on my plate is in high gear. I’m also traveling every weekend this month which means I spend Thurdays and Friday nights frantically packing as well as prepping Dr. D. to watch D2 over the weekend. To add to it all, D2 has been sick nearly every week since starting nursery school. This week an ear infection that I thought was cleared up is back again. Typically, I’m the one to take D2 to the pediatrician when he’s sick. This week though I’ve been pulling long hours in the office and I’m currently in the midst of my team’s annual marketing retreat.
D2 woke up this morning cranky and congested. I knew he was going to have to go to the pediatrician but Dr. D. was in clinic all day and not only did I have my retreat going on, I had an executive team meeting I needed to be at to discuss critical headcount and budget issues. Crap. I called D2’s nanny Eva this morning at 6am and asked her if she could take him to the pediatrician. Between meetings, I called the clinic and got an late morning appointment for D2. The appointment went fine. D2’s going to be fine. He does indeed have another ear infection and will need to take an antibiotic for the next ten days. Eva explained all of this over the phone to me during another break between meetings. Great. Baby taken care of. Check.
Then it hit me. I wasn’t there for my child’s doctor’s appointment. I said I would always be there for the important things, for the first things and I wasn’t. I felt devastated and if the room hadn’t been full of people, I probably would have burst into tears. I don’t know what lesson there is in all of this but I do know that I’m not alone. I was visiting one of my favorite blogs, Mom-101, where blogger Liz perfectly captured the angst that I think most working moms feel when work seems to overtake our lives. I loved her post from earlier this week about taking her daughters to Kids Day at her office only to have to miss most of the day’s events because she was crashing and burning on a work assignment.
I’m trying to learn to cut myself a break and not buy into the whole working mother guilt (and generally I do a good job), but I’ve got to to be honest, today got to me. I hated not being there to talk to my son’s doctor. I hated getting second hand information about something I should have heard directly. Today I felt like a Bad Mommy. And though I know I’m not – it still reverberates in my head. It’s doubtful I’ll miss taking D2 to another doctor’s appointment. It’s not worth the angst for me.
So what about you? Have you had a Bad Mommy moment and how did manage through it?
You are a great Mommy, Portia! The fact that you are still standing after what you accomplish in one single day deserves a clap offering. I have Bad Mommy moments when I lose all patience around dinnertime every day as the kids are screaming, hungry, fighting over toys and I lose my cool and tantrum back. Is it okay when your 4 year old mumbles in her car seat “I want a new Mommy” or “I can’t wait til I’m 16 and can drive without you”? But, we’ve chosen to bring these hellians into the world and by God, it’s our duty to try as best as we can not to screw them up!! 🙂 Keep on keeping on. And remember, we can find encouragement and hope when we seek Him first. 2 Timothy 3:16-17 All Scripture is God-breathed and is useful for teaching, rebuking, correcting and training in righteousness, so that the man of God may be thoroughly equipped for every good work.
That is a tough situation. I would be upset if I had to miss a doctor appt for my son. However, I know that sometimes we have to put our children in the hands of someone that we trust to do what is right for them. So although you couldn’t be there, you have to give yourself a pat on the back for finding someone that could stand in your place. Don’t worry you are not a bad mommy. xo
Thanks, Latorsha. That’s what I try to remind myself. I appreciate the support!
Oh darling, it will get better. Its the end of the year and things are ramping up. Hopefully it slows down soon. I hope D2 feels better and no, you are not a bad mommy. Read my recent post – right now, you have pressure at home and at work and you’ve got to balance it, and have Dr. D help out, which he seems to be doing well. Hang in there, its going up from here.
Blessing, I’ve read your latest post and you were channeling me! So true. So true. Thanks for holding up the mirror. I needed that.
I have bad mommy moments all the time, mainly centered on losing patience. Arden has started growling when she’s frustrated, which surprised me at first, then I caught myself doing it. Bad mommy! One other thing that I struggle with is my need to be there for all her firsts (as you mentioned). It was easy when she was younger and Robert and I were married, first crawl, first steps, first words, etc. Now that we are divorced and co-parenting it is a lot trickier. I must admit that when her first tooth was really loose I attempted to yank it out. I didn’t use brute force, and it didn’t work, and it fell out later that night in my presence all on its own, but still…bad mommy 😉 I taught her to ride her bike without training wheels this summer, and part of my motivation was wanting to be there for it. I bribed (rewarded?)her with a princess bike basket if she did it. Sure she was thrilled to accomplish it, and we practiced over and over on a dirt track at a middle school up the street, but I wonder…did I push her too hard for my own benefit? Anyway, you are a great mom, you got the situation handled, D2 will be fine, you noticed the signs that he wasn’t well and got him the care he needed. Good mommy!! It is a struggle, and I’m sure we’ll be blamed for doing a horrible job during their teens, but at least we are conscientious and make a solid effort. Good job!
Kajsa – I had to chuckle when I read your comment because it’s so true for me. Intellectually I know I won’t be there for all of D2’s firsts (heck, he took his firsts steps when I was at work) but it doesn’t stop me from wanting it. I tried to get D2 to walk in the same way you tried to yank out Arden’s tooth (owww!) it didn’t work of course. I guess the moral is to work on the things you can control and don’t worry about the things you can’t. Love your story about teaching Arden to ride a bike. At the end of the day, that’s what being a “Good” mommy is all about, right?
Portia – My life is a serious of bad mommy moments, lightly dusted with better mommy moments. I work full time and travel a couple of times per month – I walk your heels every day (except for the days when I don’t bother getting dressed!) As D2 gets older you will find a balance of the “important things”. If D2 is anything like my son was at that age, ear infections are a regular occurence and you will start to consider drive through pediatrician services! You are the only one keeping score – your kids aren’t and won’t! One thing you will cherish as D2 gets older is that he will be more independent because he is used to you being away at times. My kids don’t bat an eyelash when I leave and are alwyas thrilled when I return (could be the guilt gift I bring!).
You are giving them a gift by showing them that, while it is always hard, you can have a multi-faceted life! Kudos to you!
Paige, thank you! I especially appreciate your comment about “keeping score.” I hadn’t thought about it that way but in a sense, I AM keeping score if I’m honest. Thanks for the reality check on the ear infection issue too. I have to say that I when I had colleagues who were out of work constantly dealing with their kids’ ear infections I was supportive but somewhat skeptical. Well, I’m a believer now! BTW, if there is a drive-through pediatrician, sign me up!