I don’t know what it is about October but it has been one hellacious month. My days have been packed full of meetings and nearly every project that’s on my plate is in high gear. I’m also traveling every weekend this month which means I spend Thurdays and Friday nights frantically packing as well as prepping Dr. D. to watch D2 over the weekend. To add to it all, D2 has been sick nearly every week since starting nursery school. This week an ear infection that I thought was cleared up is back again. Typically, I’m the one to take D2 to the pediatrician when he’s sick. This week though I’ve been pulling long hours in the office and I’m currently in the midst of my team’s annual marketing retreat.
D2 woke up this morning cranky and congested. I knew he was going to have to go to the pediatrician but Dr. D. was in clinic all day and not only did I have my retreat going on, I had an executive team meeting I needed to be at to discuss critical headcount and budget issues. Crap. I called D2’s nanny Eva this morning at 6am and asked her if she could take him to the pediatrician. Between meetings, I called the clinic and got an late morning appointment for D2. The appointment went fine. D2’s going to be fine. He does indeed have another ear infection and will need to take an antibiotic for the next ten days. Eva explained all of this over the phone to me during another break between meetings. Great. Baby taken care of. Check.
Then it hit me. I wasn’t there for my child’s doctor’s appointment. I said I would always be there for the important things, for the first things and I wasn’t. I felt devastated and if the room hadn’t been full of people, I probably would have burst into tears. I don’t know what lesson there is in all of this but I do know that I’m not alone. I was visiting one of my favorite blogs, Mom-101, where blogger Liz perfectly captured the angst that I think most working moms feel when work seems to overtake our lives. I loved her post from earlier this week about taking her daughters to Kids Day at her office only to have to miss most of the day’s events because she was crashing and burning on a work assignment.
I’m trying to learn to cut myself a break and not buy into the whole working mother guilt (and generally I do a good job), but I’ve got to to be honest, today got to me. I hated not being there to talk to my son’s doctor. I hated getting second hand information about something I should have heard directly. Today I felt like a Bad Mommy. And though I know I’m not – it still reverberates in my head. It’s doubtful I’ll miss taking D2 to another doctor’s appointment. It’s not worth the angst for me.
So what about you? Have you had a Bad Mommy moment and how did manage through it?